bad news...

yesterday: 600 calories + alcohol
today:
1 salad with little bit low fat mozzarella
1 bread roll with honey
little bit pineapple juice

bad news:
My mum has extended her residence in Germany until AUGUST!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!
I REALLY try to get back to ana and the last days have been so great! But what the hell shall I do if she is in Germany all the time?
I told her that I can't come for a visit the next two weekends. I'll see her tomorrow on the birthday party of my grandma. Then I'll stay in my flat for 2 weeks and I will not visit her! With her fucking food and calories!


O huns! My friend has been here and stood overnight...
Now it's certainty: he ALSO fell in love with ME and that adds insult to injury! :(
He is 62 years old! I'm 25 (26 in 1,5 months)!
He has a girlfriend (more or less) since a very long time!
We are collegues!
O my gosh, I wanna be dead!

I love him but i've never been interested in being with him. And I still won't that!!! But what the hell DO I want? And I don't know what HE wants!

I just enjoy being close to him. I love listening to him. I love lying in my bed with him while feeling his skin. How he gently strokes me all the time.

He's the hardest mystery I've ever seen.
But I really want to unravel that mystery.

That is everything I know! :´(

yesterday: 650 calories

today: 3 salad leafs with yogurt dressing


Ana, I need you, I want you BACK!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you so much :'( Where are u???????????

My mum will leave on June 13, I'm really looking forward to this date. NOT because I want to dispose of her but when she's here I CAN'T STARVE!!!! I miss her so much, that's the point why I'm always relapsing when she's leaving.

@F.: I love you. I love you more than my life. And the fact that we can NEVER be a normal couple, that it will NEVER be possible to love each other in the face of the world, that's the absolute worst thing, the absolute horror in my life... I love you... :´(