My belly looks normally again. Thanks to laxatives... *phew*
Today was my 400 cal day.
Breakfast: 2 diet pills, coffee with milk = 20 cal
Lunch: Ana-Pizza (kind of pita bread with cream cheese, tomato sauce, vegetables and low fat cheese) = 180 cal
Afternoon: coffee with milk and vanilla sugar = 30 cal, diet cereal bar = 70 cal
Dinner: 2 diet pills, spinach with champignons and cream cheese = 100 cal
-> 400 cal
Today when I looked at myself in the mirror, I liked my body for a short moment. That was cool. I'm curious about seeing my weight on the scales in a few days. But I'm not ready yet... cuz I'm really afraid of the numbers...
I'm so sad... What will get better after losing another 5kg??? I WILL NOT BE HAPPY! I will not be happier with 45kg... I will never be happy. What is the reason for doing that shit??? I don't know!
I'm alone... I need someone who hugs me. Now!!! The lights go out all around me, one last candle to keep out the night... and then the darkness surrounds me, I know I'm alive but I feel like I died. And all that's left is to accept that it's over... my dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made... I try to keep warm but I just grow colder, I feel like I'm slipping away...
I need my mommy and my daddy... I need a stuffed animal and my mommy baking cookies and bringing me a hot chocolate... ;(
HUMANS!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN A LITTLE GIRL JUST NEEDS A FUCKING SNIPPY HUG?????????
FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!
That's my arm. I took the picture yesterday... ;( *cry* WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN ON HERE???
where.
are.
my.
friends?
i.
need.
someone.
to.
save.
my.
life.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help.
help me.
Hey, I would like to give you a hug. :(
ReplyDeleteThe problem is, nothing will change with 45kgs. Then there will be "only 2 more kgs to loose and I will be pretty", and then the next magic number. I shifted my perfect weight like this lower and lower, suffering from Ana and Mia for nearly 10 years, listening to songs from Superchick...
Not until I went to rehab for three months on a weekly talk I realized that I am worth to be loved - and it doesn't depend from how good I am at university, how long I work or how low my weight it. Not until I accepted this and really had a hard work I was able to find the guy I love... That was two years ago.
Now I would say that I'm over my ED, love my body (BMI 19) and I am enjoying my life again!
Girl, YOU ARE NOT FAT! Believe me! I'm scared of you; I know how you see yourself but this is the ED blurring your vision :( I hope so much you wake up again and start fighting! (please have a look at this page www.maedchengesundheitsladen.de)
Stay strong.
Meine liebe, es tut mir leid, du bist so traurig :'( Ich sehe mich in dich, und das erschreckt mir. 5 kg wird nie genug, nicht weil du musst mehr Gewicht abnehmen, aber weil dein Kopf wird dich sagen, du musst mehr Gewicht abnehmen...und mehr, und mehr, und mehr, bis es gibt nichts verliess. Du wirst nie fröhlich mit dein Körper, bis du bist fröhlich mit deinem Herz.
ReplyDeleteIch sehe ein Mädchen, die so stark und schön ist, aber wer kannst nicht sehen, was ich sehe. Sie kennt, sie ist nicht frölich, und ich denke, sie kennt jetzt, vielleicht Abnehmen wird kein Antwort zu ihre Unglück. Du willst die Gleiche als ich: Komfort, Lieb, ein Ende zu Weh...so sag mich, wie ist Abnehmen der Weg?
Ich weiss, ich bin ein grosses Heuchler. Aber ich weiss auch, die Beiden uns sind auf einer falscher Weg. Vielleicht eines Tages werde ich besser, aber ich hoffe für dich, das Tag ist ganz bald. <3<3<3
And if it's any comfort at all, I've been feeling the exact same way today - so unhappy and lost, just wanted to cry and have somebody hug me until all the tears were gone. I'm sad that you're feeling this way too, but at least we weren't alone.
ReplyDelete