Because of no laxatives today I gained 200g. I'm really feeling bad today. Not because of the weight gain but because I think 60 min jogging was too much yesterday. My head is swimming and I feel queasy since I stood up from my bed. *gna* :(
It's 1pm in Germany right now, I'm drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. Last night I thought about contacting a clinic for eating disorders for an out-patient treatment. Why? Because my aim were 48kg... And now I'm weighing 47 and want to weigh 45. I think I will not stop at 45kg... And I'm afraid. It's not losing a little bit for looking slim anymore... I want to appear skinny and bony... I think it's a full-blown anorexia relapse... :(
Edit, 40 minutes later: Crap, they will make me fat. I won't call'em.
Edit, 9pm: 430calories and no sports! :/ Tomorrow I'll walk again. Plus workout.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
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I know it's scary thinking about getting help, but if it's what you want to do in your heart - regardless of what your head may tell you - then do it! I wish you were happier :(
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